Discernment is Gifted Through Experience

As I sit in the dark of awareness, I search and shift through the shadows.

I see pieces of myself long forgotten, or maybe never even seen.

I taste the bitter fear that I am unlovable.

I see unconscious shadow games I have played, the ego’s desire for worth.

Co-dependent patterns float to the surface, the Light illuminating my own denial.

Self-betrayal reveals itself through my own need to be needed.

I’m “the fixer” after all, the shadow side of empathy.

Compassion transformed to a slow-stirring cauldron of manipulation and attachment to form.

My desire for things to be a certain way, crafting a smoky mirror that distorts perception.

My cup is empty. I’ve given everything away. No one took it from me.

A necessary emptiness where the only option is to see my own illusions.

I am momentarily angry at the ways I have denied the truth but healing only comes through self-honesty and acceptance.

It is the choice to offer self-forgiveness for the ways we have been blind, the times we betrayed our own truth, and the times we allowed limited self-worth to lead the way.

Loss and disappointment show us the deception that lies in our own expectations, refusing to see things as they are.

In this moment, I see myself as a small child, highly skilled at navigating and wading through the waters of other’s suffering; an intuitive survival skill honed with precision.

It never occurred to me that this was not child’s work.

The treasure of a two-edged sword, both a gift and a curse.

I am now responsible for wielding it wisely, and I am still learning.

Discernment is gifted through experience, the mystery of the journey of life.

Our curses do not become our gifts without a price, conscious transformation in each moment of our lives.

I don’t have all the answers, I never have, and there are no short-cuts on this journey.

There is no end and there is no perfection. There is only NOW and the knowing that we were on the right path all along, for we are simply BEcoming.

And so it is.

 Photo by Lawrson Pinson on Unsplash